So here's the thing.
I do all of these things to be a good mom. Like volunteering in Riley's class and being involved with PTA and saying yes to being a den leader for boy scouts.....
But when I'm feeding my kids dinner out for the 3rd night in a row, I have to wonder if "being a good parent" isn't getting in the way of me being a good parent. And I don't mean that to discourage other people from being active in leadership of children and children's groups, because for heaven's sake, if we all did a little, then the same 10 of us wouldn't end up doing it all. Or at least trying to do it all. Which would, seriously, make things way more fair.
It would also make it easier for me to make dinner.
(Okay fine, also if I wasn't running so far behind because I let my car run out of gas thinking I could squeeze just one more meeting in before I stopped. That probably would have helped, too.)
I also have to wonder how my kids benefit from me being the only leader in their lives. I always push that children need positive role models other than their parents, but how many are mine really getting? I've read the studies, for example, that say that kids need to hear people besides their parents telling them about Jesus. If I'm always the children's pastor- who's stepping up to tell my kids that Jesus loves them besides me? Do I leave them at a church without me so they get other people to tell them? Not that that's an issue right now, it's just a thought that's occurred to me several times in the past, especially at my last "work church".
This next week I'm going to work really hard on finding more balance in our lives, despite all the things I'm trying to do. It's such a shift from summer and I know that I should give myself more room to adjust, but I've never enjoyed failing (or mediocrity for that matter- although it seems to be my speciality lately) so it's difficult for me to admit that I need to re-find my groove.
In other news, somewhat related, Logan, Savannah, and I went to speak to the French Honor Society at the high school today because they're helping with our Multicultural Festival. They are led by my former French teacher. I still understand French really well, but to speak it? I totally lack the confidence especially when the first sentence out of my mouth is incorrect (pendant que vs. depuis my bad) and the little snot in the front row points it out. I totally deserved that- I was SO that girl in High School. However, the cute part was the whole club exclaiming that Logan looks JUST like Le Petit Prince when we walked in.
I can see it. :)