Wednesday, December 7, 2011

These Are the Eyes of a Killer, Bella

Oh, wait, that's sparklepire skin.

I am seriously going to start a service where I let people pay me to follow me around on any given day.  At the jewelry store I work at occasionally, they have an expression- "Who turned the sign on?"- referring to the "Crazies Welcome" sign we were all sure was out on the porch that day.

I Haz Dat Sign.

It's apparently tattooed on my forehead.

Today, I had the occasion to run to the grocery store.  This is always dangerous for me since I seem to attract people with my invisible sign.  This particular store doesn't have, as far as I know, a goth club or D&D society that meet in the storage room, but that had no bearing on what was about to transpire.

Goth dude: "Excuse me, do you know about your eyes?"
Me: "Umm, they're blue...and they work decently with contacts or glasses?"
GD: "Huh.  The dark outer ring and washed out inner color indicates you're one of us."
Me: "How about that."
GD: "Do you know which us I mean?"
Me: (Looking for an exit, but cornered by a large woman taking way too long looking at the ranch dressing"
GD: "You are a vampire."
Me: (Contemplating wild laughter, but deciding that most of GD's jewelry would work as a weapon) "Huh, I've never known"
GD: "Your eyes are a dead giveaway.  You're also very pale and I bet your hands and feet are unusually cold.  Do know, crave?"
Me: "Oh, like people? No, actually I verge on vegetarian."
GD: "You poor thing.  You must be very sick.  You should have a steak."
Me: "I will take that under advisement"
GD: (Dramatic turn and exit)

So there you have it, people.  These are the eyes of a Killer.
I wonder if I can get a spot on Breaking Dawn Part II.  I'm willing to glitter up. In the mean time, y'all apparently shouldn't mess with me.  I need a steak.
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