Friday, January 13, 2012

How Did I Let it Get This Bad?

Before I became pregnant, I was put on steroids for my skin and gained 15 pounds. When I was pregnant with Riley I gained 85 the last 3 months.  At 7 months I'd gotten bigger, but just stole size 12 pants from friends.  At the end I was borderline for gestational diabetes and couldn't stop gaining weight.  Then, with a new baby with colic and classes and stress I think I just kept eating.  I lost weight, but not all of it, leaving me already 45 pounds heavier when I got pregnant with Logan.  With Logan I gained 30 pounds and lost only 20.  With Savannah, I gained only 18 and lost 15.  However, this means that I am currently 73 pounds heavier than I would like to be, which isn't even my ideal weight according to the charts! (I was my "ideal" weight for my height when I was competitively skating, but it involved me eating an apple and diet coke all day and half my dinner at night, running and skating several hours a day, so I don't really consider that "ideal".)

That's a freaking gymnast!

Running the other day, I was trying to push myself to go "faster" which for me meant my mile times were under 12 minutes.

I used to run 8 minute miles without trying.

How did I let it get this bad?

I know that I had serious postpartum depression, and depression period, and that I love to cook and that working out isn't exactly easy with 3 little people, 2 of whom I had while still in college, but still.

73 pounds? 12 minute "fast" miles?

I have roughly 2 years left before I turn 30.  It would be so nice to look in the mirror and not want to cry every day and to not hide from pictures.  But at the same time, it's such a daunting thing!! And, it's hard!! Hopefully I can keep my momentum up, because when I think about the numbers for too long, it just seems like an impossible dream.
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